My True Self

Peace and Safety in the Christian Home

In my last post I mentioned the conferenceI want to attend and was delighted to receive an email from one of the organizers saying that scholarships were available. They have worked out arrangements so I can attend the conference.  I still didn't think I'd be able to go because airfare is so expensive, we were able to work it out, and I GET TO GO!  I cant believe how good the Lord is to me - and I have so much gratitude for the help I will receive to go to the conference, and for my husband who was on board with spending that much money before I was. 

I am particularly interested in this conference because it's not just about abuse, but about the church's response.  One seminar that I am interested in is going to be looking at case studies submitted by attendees regarding abuse situations, and how the church involved responded. 

Other mini-perks of getting to go...an overnight stop along the way in Chicago; since the conference is in Maryland, I will get to check off a couple more states for my goal of visiting all 50 states; I also hope for a little time to see a couple sites in DC, especially this or this.  

I'm sure I'll blog about the conference once I'm there.

Oh, I Wish I Could Go To This

A group called "Peace and Safety in the Christian Home" is putting on a conference in D.C. looking the church's response to abuse (they have a focus on domestic violence, but cover many types of abuse).  I wish we were still living in the era when airfare was cheap.  The even is only $100, but the airfare would be 4 times that.

Even though I cant go, I am glad to see churches addressing this issue more seriously.

86

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
       I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;
       you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

 You, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
       slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
       grant your strength to your servant 
     

At the Beach

My son and I are at the beach this week. Normally we stay in a hotel about 5 blocks from the beach - but we get a room facing the other direction, because its cheaper. But this time we got lucky and got upgraded to a nice room that faces the ocean.  Its still 5 blocks away, but I can see the waves breaking, and the sun lowering toward the water. 

We came to the beach just to hang out, and since my son is 7, that means a lot of him swimming, digging on the beach, etc.  I decided to take advantage of the time I will have sitting around and bring 2 books I am working through that are actually very tough.  They're not tough academically, but tough because they both touch on stuff I am trying to work through (though from totally different directions.)  Much reading, journaling, praying, processing to do.  So, I was especially glad for the ocean view room - I take it as a little kindness from the Lord in the midst of diving into some things that are hard. 

Whatever You're Doing

There is a song I love right now.  It's about the experience of getting another try at something you've failed at in the past.  This is just right where I am.

Boundaries vs. Scaffolding

The concept of relational boundaries is something I have wondered about a lot.  Everyone has them, and we really only notice them when a new one goes up, or an old one comes down.  Honestly, I have never been a fan of boundaries going up - it involves separation or at least admission that some issue/relationship is too difficult to work through. 

I was thinking today that instead of the concept of boundaries, with its fences that can get larger and larger until people are very far apart, I like the idea of scaffolding. 

Scaffolding on a building provides work space, and possibly even extra proteciton or support to work projects that are either too hard to get to, or that are vulnerable in some way.  Boundary fences keep animals or people separated from something.  Relationally, if I say that I need some new boundaries with someone, I am saying that I need separation in some, or all areas.  I wonder what it would mean for me to say I need scaffolding instead. 

I think it would suggest that the relationship is still a work in progress, but some extra support structures, or extra tools for doing specific work are needed.  This feels like a more hopeful metaphor for me.  Boundaries in a relationship are going to provide much needed space which may be required for other areas of your relationship or life to function.  I'm not against that.  It just feels like a dead end.  Like, "you are on your side of the fence, and I am on mine...we're not going to hurt each other, and thats the best you can hope for."  Scaffolding suggests growth and restoration of beauty - think of the scaffolding placed inside the Sistine Chapel so that artists could clean and restore the beautiful paintings.  The paintings were dirty, but they were not placed behind a fence where they wouldn't hurt anyone.  No.  They were restored.  The idea of scaffolding also allows room for others outside the relationship to be invited in to help with trouble areas. 

And, eventually scaffolding is meant to come down.  I have a friend I am talking about some boundary issues with, and as comfortable as we both are with the boundary we have, we both know that we can do better someday.  I like thinking of it as scaffolding instead...we're working toward a more beautiful building that will be restored, and the scaffolding taken down and put away when the time is right. 

Blogs I like : Maybe We Haven't Got it All Figured Out

Erin's blog Maybe We Haven't Got it All Figured Out is one you should check out, especially if you are a Mars Hill Grad School student.  She will be a first-year in the fall.  When you read her stuff, she's so self-aware that its easy to say, "Yep, I see why she got in." 

Ragamuffin Gospel

I picked up Brennan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel again last night and read one of my favorite sections before bed.  When I first came across this book 10 or so years ago I had never read anything like this.  I must have reread this 100 times.  Last night I wasnt aware of being stressed at any deep level, and yet, this section still brought such an overwhelming rest to my heart.  On page 149, Manning says...

"Making our home in Jesus, as he makes his in us, leads to creative listening: "Has it crossed your mind that I am proud you accepted the gift of faith I offered you?  Proud that you freely chose Me, after I had chosen you, as your friend and Lord?  Proud that with all your warts and wrinkles you haven't given up? Proud that you believe in me enough to try again and again?

Are you aware how I appreciate you for wanting Me?  I want you to know how grateful I am when you pause to smile and comfort a child who has lost her way.  I am grateful for the house you devote to learning about Me; for the words of encouragement you passed on to your burnt-out pastor, for your visit to the shut-in, for your tears for the retarded.  What you did to them, you did to me.  Als, I am sad ehn you do not beleive that I have totally forgiven you or you feel uncomfortable approaching me."

A Sign of Your Goodness

I've been reading Psalm 86 a bunch this week. We did some translation from it in Hebrew, and I've found much in it to encourage me.  But there is one thing that really puzzles me.

The last verse says, "Give me a sign of your goodness."  I wonder what it would mean to pray that.  Somewhere along the way I've been taught that it is a faithless thing to do to ask for a sign - and asking for a sign of God's goodness seems doubly odd.  God's goodness is everywhere.  Even in my own life, when I am at the end of my rope and desperate for help, I experience so much of God's goodness.  I really wonder what it would mean to ask this....and I have 100 reasons to be skeptical. 

But, on the other hand, it seems like an honest thing to ask.  Saying, " I trust your goodness, but I am weak, please show me a sign to help me know" seems okay....but if its not an okay thing to ask in the first place, and a sign never comes (or at least one your recognize), then you're in a worse place than before.

These are the things I think about...and the tight little corners I get myself into.  When does "show me you love me" get old.  And yet, isnt it totally naturain any close relationship to want to know you are loved and your place of importance?  I don't know how to solve this, and maybe this is a rambling post :-) but for tonight, I am just praying, "Though I already have so much, Give me a sign of your goodness"

"But, Hebrew Students Are Really Good At That"

I think all parents have this trick in their bag.  Here's the scenario : Your child doesn't want to do ___(eat his vegetables, pick up his toys, whatever) so in order to coerce them, you say, "But all good _____ (train engineers/firemen/superheroes) are really good at it"

In our family, this worked for a while, but hasn't for years.  Our son is 7.5 now, and "but all good cowboys do this" just doesn't cut it anymore.  So, today, when I told my son that I couldn't look at new bikes with him on the Internet at that exact moment, he said, "But all Hebrew students are really good at doing that!" 

The kid seriously cracks me up.